谁能帮我改下这篇雅思作文,万分感激the range of technology is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor .To what extent do you agree?The development of technology is speeding up significantly in the world.Some people consider tha

谁能帮我改下这篇雅思作文,万分感激the range of technology is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor .To what extent do you agree?The development of technology is speeding up significantly in the world.Some people consider tha
谁能帮我改下这篇雅思作文,万分感激
the range of technology is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor .To what extent do you agree?
The development of technology is speeding up significantly in the world.Some people consider that the reason for the difference between wealth and poverty is technological progress.Before airing my view,I want to analyze why it is so with the following words.
For one thing,technology can improve the efficiency of production and transportation.It means that we can decrease the cost and create more profits.Besides,it broadens the regions of trade and the ways of gaining money become variable.Someone who owns high-tech can earn more money.
For the other thing,the changing of technology will promote the spread of information.Someone who is in updated technological environment can learn of the news on the internet at once.It is useful for him or her to decide how to invest and solve some financial problems.We can also stay at home to do stock trading.It is convenient to control and increase the figures of our accounts.
Moreover,the negative effect of increasing the gap is just a major phenomenon.There are some special situations in the meanwhile.In terms of the developing countries and the developed countries,the developed countries have been a peak of wealth and technology skills.Some of them are in the neck of a bottle and isn’t easy to have a obvious economic evolution now.However,high-tech can stimulate the range of the developing countries sharply.The figures showing rich are larger than the developed countries.Under the circumstances,technology developing will help lessen the gap between wealth and poverty.
In sum,although there are some special phenomenon,I basically approve of technology will increase the distance between rich and poor.The world needs to develop in balance.Government should take some measures to improve this passive situation,such as help the impoverished regions enhance their technological skills and the level of facilities.
能顺便给出建议和评价吗,

谁能帮我改下这篇雅思作文,万分感激the range of technology is increasing the gap between the rich and the poor .To what extent do you agree?The development of technology is speeding up significantly in the world.Some people consider tha
恩,我没法给你具体的分数,因为我也在备战中.不过,看完你这篇作文,我唯一的感觉就是单词量匮乏,这么少的单词量要达到6分很难.接下来说细节：
Some people consider that .这个开头你可以丢弃了,因为我每次只要这样一写,出来的分数绝对不会超过5.5,so 你想想其他的吧.
第二段和第三段可以合并啊,因为都是论证正方观点的么,还有简单句太多,It is useful for him or her to decide how to invest and solve some financial problems.We can also stay at home to do stock trading.It is convenient to control and increase the figures of our accounts.
像这里我个人认为你可以改成：Advanced techonology enable more people that frequently conduct financial activities,like shares or stocks,to operat transaction online staying at home instead of going security companies so that they can seized numerous opportunities to accumulate wealth.
反方的你就自己想想吧.
结尾段：应该是in the sum up 或者是 in summary,还有最好不要用should 这样口气太硬,是禁忌.其次就是句子太短了,内容还行吧,词汇很monotonous哦.不过你的语法错误倒挺少的,这点很不错,像我写着写着就会弄错单复数.
希望可以帮到你啊,那个写作要自己琢磨琢磨的,很烦咯!