大家好 请帮忙点评一下 BEC 中级的作文谢谢了, part one !To: All stafffrom: derekSubject: computer systemI have just been informed the computer system will be down on next wednesday 1 o'clock Pm ,it will be down for at least 3 hours, s

大家好 请帮忙点评一下 BEC 中级的作文谢谢了, part one !To: All stafffrom: derekSubject: computer systemI have just been informed the computer system will be down on next wednesday 1 o'clock Pm ,it will be down for at least 3 hours, s
大家好 请帮忙点评一下 BEC 中级的作文谢谢了, part one !
To: All staff
from: derek
Subject: computer system
I have just been informed the computer system will be down on next wednesday 1
o'clock Pm ,it will be down for at least 3 hours, so please make sure that all works are done before 1 pm, hope the computers will run faster than they used to be.
Thanks

大家好 请帮忙点评一下 BEC 中级的作文谢谢了, part one !To: All stafffrom: derekSubject: computer systemI have just been informed the computer system will be down on next wednesday 1 o'clock Pm ,it will be down for at least 3 hours, s
格式正确,要点全面,建议您做一下完善：
1、inform引导的宾从添加引导词that
2、on next Wednesday和1 o'clock Pm之间添加at,即at 1pm
3、习惯表达：Wednesday首字母W大写；下午一点整直接1：00p.m.即可
4、句间关系有点混乱需要划分标点,句子中首字母大写
5、It will be与for时态矛盾,建议调整统一为一种时态.
6、make sure一句中时态改为将来完成比较符合.仅供参考,

To: All staff
from: derek
Subject: computer system maintainance
The reason why I write this letter is that I have just been informed that our company's computer system will be closed down,...

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To: All staff
from: derek
Subject: computer system maintainance
The reason why I write this letter is that I have just been informed that our company's computer system will be closed down, at 5 PM Wednesday to make an improvement . and in case that we will lose files in disks during the improvement, we have to close the local network during the improvement.Please get ready beforehand.
After the improvement you could get a faster speed with your computer, thus to work more effciently.
你的字数好像不够哦，一般要求40-50的，最后一句hope欠佳，应该是肯定的，来告诉大家维护的好处。

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please make sure that all the work will have been done before 1pm