高中英语月考作文,求改错求评价.有图.

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高中英语月考作文,求改错求评价.有图.
高中英语月考作文,求改错求评价.有图.
 

 

高中英语月考作文,求改错求评价.有图.
I' m Loretta,who is a student in class 8.I have a fancy(一般fancy不是这么用的) for speaking English.【I am interested in speaking English】 My English (这里少了一个be动词,应该添上is) well enough to pass for(不要用pass for) a native speaker.【My English is well enough to communicate with English native speaker.】 And(and是连词,一定要连接两个完整的句子,连词要比一个句子里的动词少一个,你这个句子有两个动词 and和for,但是有两个动词,说明你应该去掉一个连词.去掉and.) I get along(get along一般都是说get along with somebody) swimming with my classmates,for(这里没有因果关系,不能用for) I always treat each of(each of不是这么用的) my classmate as my friend.【I treat every classmate as my friends and I get along with them pretty well.】
If I will be the monitor(虚拟,于现在相反,不应该这么说哦)【If I were a monitor或者用倒装来说were I a monitor】,what I need to do(这个从句的逻辑主语和主句的主语不一样是不对的.主句主语是I,从句的逻辑主语也应该是I,而不是what I need to do) is to help my classmates when they get into trouble.【整句的修改:Were I a monitor,I would help my classmates whenever they get into trouble.】
Moreover,some of activities after class is ...(看不懂这词) I will lend all of the boy to play football after class.【看不是很懂这句话的意思,你的意思是不是:More over,I would organize activities after class to keep my classmate fit.For instance,I would let all boys in my class to play football.】
Last but not least(最后的但不是最不重要的这种表达是OK的啊),I will(虚拟,应该用would) help all of my teachers to do what I need to do and make the class wonderful every day!【Furthermore,I would assume my responsibility to help all my teachers to ensure every class is efficient every day】
That's all.
修改后的句子在【】里,错误在()括号里
很细致地改了40多分钟了.求设为最佳答案TAT!