帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师.帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师. Is it beneficial for teenagers to spend a large amount of time on TV,video and PC games? It was once assumed that it i

帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师.帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师. Is it beneficial for teenagers to spend a large amount of time on TV,video and PC games? It was once assumed that it i
帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师.
帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师.
Is it beneficial for teenagers to spend a large amount of time on TV,video and PC games? It was once assumed that it is positive because it can broaden adolescebts’ horizons. By contrast ,there is a widespread belief that it is negative owing to our health . As for me , I consider it is unfavorable for youths for the reason that they may be out of self-control and do bad on their study.
One of the disadvantages is the problem of health. Due to watching TV too much , numerous youngsters become couch potatos and get obesity. In addition, if children always play PC games and watch TVs, they will get poor eyesight. For example, my 10-year-old cousin called Mickey whose eyesight were really excellent. When he began to play computer games day and night without relaxing . He wore glasses this year. It is playing too much games and watching TV that allows his eyesight to be poor . Therefore , I believe that to spend a large amount of time on TV, video and PC games id detrimental.
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Another demerit is study problems . Because of playing PC games watching TV and videos, students do not have enough time to focus on their study , It means that they are wasting time . As a result they cannot achieve high marks in their examinations. One of my classmates , who has the highest GPA in my class . Since he always played PC games and watch TV . Last term he failed most of the exams . And in this term , he controled himself well and took the first place in the end.
In conclusion , teenagers spending a large amount of time on TV, video and PC games has both opportunities and challenges. They can absorb new knowledge easily by it . While it ban have a terrible influence on their study . My view is that it is unfavorable for youths. Actually , children should spare time to do it but they need to strengthen the ability of self-control.
谢谢!

帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师.帮忙估分并且批改一下雅思的大作文 最好是老师. Is it beneficial for teenagers to spend a large amount of time on TV,video and PC games? It was once assumed that it i
4分或者4.5分.
1 单词拼写错误比较多.
2总体的格式你是按着MLA格式走的,可是句子间逻辑不好,总体逻辑不好.主题句含混不清.
3小的细节很有问题,简单说teenagers spending a large amount of time on TV, video and PC games has both opportunities and challenges. 看电视怎么是“机会”和挑战“呢,要么是抄来的,要么事中文呢在指挥英文字符
4你稍微加强一下句子总体架构逻辑,还有句子间的逻辑合理性,还有小的细节还有中式英语去掉,上6分还是不难.